Our relationships are perhaps one of the most significant aspects of our being – bearing a tremendous impact on the way we feel and how meaningful or satisfactory our life seems. There are innumerable studies that indicate that the quality of our relationships are directly proportional to the quality of our lives. We all are aware of the usual things that are needed to make our relationships successful (at least at a theoretical level!) such as good communication, forgiveness, mutual respect, equality, taking care of each other’s needs, effectively solving problems etc.
Very often we come across couples trying to make their relationships work but struggling to convert these theoretical concepts into practical realities. So we need to look at that one core quality that would enable us to build upon the other qualities. That ‘key to a healthy relationship’ has to be the ability to look within and introspect. In any situation change or improvement can happen only when the individual takes responsibility for his / her role. As long as we focus only upon how the other person is uninvolved or not bothered or not doing his / her share of things, we will only find ourselves feeling de-motivated and end up like a victim. That is an extremely helpless and powerless space to be in.
The only way we can make progress in our relationships is by taking charge of our 50% and doing something about it. Instead of asking ‘What has he/she done for me?’ we need to look at ‘What can I do to make it better?’ While that’s not the intention of this way of being, we might just find our partners thawing for the better in response to the changes that we bring about. So its time to go ahead and put the scanner on ourselves, identify the things that we may do differently or think differently, and act on it. While we are at it one thing that helps is reducing the importance of ‘me’ and increasing that of the other.